If Hillary wore aftershave, it would all be different

Jane: Four words, MSNBC: The Rachel Maddow Show.

I’ve been watching Hardball for about 20 minutes, and Matthews is doing the same thing as always, like “how could this possibly have happened?”

I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention

Katie, superjew and human being extraordinaire, has memed me up.

But because she was gentle (she wanted that shit to be special) and because as memes go, it’s a good one and appropriate for where my head’s been lately (and because she’s promised to fix me up with her hot artist cousin), I am going to play:

“You’ve just learned that tomorrow you will die at sunrise. Tell me the five things you regret and the five things you don’t regret.”


  1. Spending too much of my life trying to be something and someone I’m not, instead of better developing the gifts and strengths of who I am.
  2. Not being able to communicate to my mother and father before they died that even though they did plenty of fucked-up shit as parents, I am grateful that they also did plenty of things right, as well as passing along an inheritance that while short on cash, enriched me in other ways: sense of humor, higher than average intelligence, respect for the natural world, my sense of place in the history of my country, love of music, an appreciation of non-conformity, natural distrust of authority. Oh and that yellow dog democrat thing too.
  3. Not having more sex with more women when I was younger and still hot, and unfortunately, much shyer than I am now.
  4. Never thought I’d say this, but: Staying in my marriage as long as I did. Yes, I completely regret the negative effect that getting dumped by my ex had on me— think driving a speeding car off a mile-high cliff into a raging, polluted sea full of hungry sharks— but am I glad now that I’m not in that car? Abso-fucking-lutely.
  5. Being in denial about how much extra weight and credit card debt I let myself rack up post-divorce. Both suck, both are limiting my potential, and I’m having to spend an inordinate amount of time and effort in an uphill battle to get rid of both.

Things I Don’t Regret:

  1. Living with and caring for animals. Best anti-depressant in the world. Yeah, I’d save money and time not having pets, but I cannot imagine the alternative.
  2. Taking all the risks I took this past year in order to get back in the world, feel alive again, and connect with people, even though doing so more often than not involved making a total foolish, embarrassed ass of myself.
  3. Making a conscious commitment to spend more time being useful and helpful to other people. I’m self-absorbed and selfish by nature and it doesn’t come naturally to reach out to friends and/or strangers, volunteer, donate time, etc. but I think we all should do it more.
  4. Being a Texan. Whether I ultimately ever decide to stay here or move somewhere else, it’s where I was born and raised and it’s who I am and life’s too short to pretend I’m something else or that I find no value in where I came from. It’s as useless as pretending my eyes are a different color than they are, or that I’m 6 foot 5 and have wings. The insightful and good people out there realize that this doesn’t automatically mean that I am also a death-penalty-supporting, Bush-voting, corrupt-Republican-loving, homophobic, Bible-thumping redneck asshole with no taste. They also realize that there are loads of amazing, uniquely talented, deeply twisted, mind-blowing geniuses from Texas and they are that way because of, not in spite of, where they came from. And the dim-bulb ignoramuses who don’t get that are not worth my, or anyone else’s, time and should just STFU trying to pretend they’re better than me because of their fucking address. Being a Texan is the same as being an American: yes, we are ass-deep in fucked-up shit and evil greedy people have trashed the place up, but there’s also a lot of rich, beautiful, rare stuff here too, and in the long run, we’re all still just human beings, we’re all just brief specks of dust in the universe.
  5. Turning my internet and cable back on. WTF was I thinking anyway?

I’m a lover, not a memer, and I’m not going to actively inflict this on anybody, so those out there that want to jump on it, knock yerselves out. But link back to me, so I can see where you take it.