Like most everyone else on the innawebs, I read a lot of stuff online every day, some days more than others. The last few days, most of what I’ve read has been either depressing or infuriating, or both. (ABC News, I’m looking at you.)
The thing is, given the online neighborhoods I hang out in, I guess I kinda take for granted that most of what I read will ultimately have that effect. Not that being cynical and wary and on-guard at this point in time, in this country, in this culture, is an unsound response, but sometimes I don’t realize how much I’ve shielded my soft spots till I run right into something that melts those shields right away.
Such a thing is this tender and beautiful post from fashionablenerd over at her newly-revamped blog Hyde and Seek
I Saw Myself Today
In the mirror, after my shower, I saw myself.
No different than any other day…except…
I saw beauty. Not ugly.
My skin, the color of caramel sauce, draped over a shoulder that’s uplifted many a friends head
And provides a cuddle-spot for my nephew when he hugs me
Is covered in stretchmarks, and scars from falls
But I wasn’t disgusted, for once.
My belly, with all its rolls and lines
Looks soft and warm…not deformed or horrid, as I once believed
Many a lover’s hand has spanned and rubbed this belly
Lips have kissed the heart-shaped scar on the left
While stroking the tender skin on the right.
Thanks to fashionablenerd for making this spring day even more sunny.
And on that note, It’s as good a time as any to let on that virgotext will also soon be undergoing revamping herownself, actually more of a “movin on up” to my own dee-luxe hosted domain in the sky. More will be forthcoming as that draws closer but the point here is this: when I was first thinking about making that move, I had to also start thinking about rededicating myself to providing more consistently substantive content. After finishing up (for the time being) over at NuPac, I’ve been kind of just drifting along on the current here at home, lots of “I do this I do that” posts.
And every time I started thinking about what I wanted to blog about in my new digs, the first thing was body acceptance, about size discrimination, about the din from that tower of corporate babel that condescendingly tells me I have a personal fucking responsibility to adopt buy a healthy lifestyle their diet/product/program/book/ crackpot theory/ conformist cultural bias, etc. Along with accepting their bald-faced lies that say I’m nothing more than a suicidal, stupid, lazy, gluttonous, crazy, asexual, ugly, shameful, and ironically enough, invisible, mistake.
Oh my. Writing about that stuff certainly wasn’t what I had planned, or even wanted necessarily, but it’s what kept coming up, it’s what that annoyingly perceptive little voice that I’ve come to realize is usually right was telling me. So, I said “Enough already, okay, I’m listening! Okay, I’ll do it!” and the voice left me alone to blunder along in my usual convoluted way. (Damn, for once, I wish it would be more useful, like tell me where I left my other pair of glasses, or how big my next raise is going to be, or if my dog really does resent me …)
Yeah, so anyway, alert the media, virgo’s gonna fatblog.
It’s not all I’ve got planned to do at the new place. Trust me, I’d be bored shitless if I only ever blogged about one thing, no matter what that one thing is. It’s just that it’s definitely on the list.
More on the rest of the list later.