08 Pride Post #16: Funniest Dyke in the World contestant AinsleyofAttack

 

An immediate disclaimer: AinsleyofAttack is not currently a dyke, though she is in possession of a dyke-ly past, so the virgotext judges are going to allow her to slide in under the technicality.  If I were to warrant a guess at her sexuality based on her writing, I’d say “omni-” might cover it.   Anyway… whatever… the woman’s a fucking riot.

She’s got a blog, it’s pretty funny, but the Attack/hilarity is best served on Twitter.  In her hands, or more correctly, in that filty mouth of hers, the tweet is an art form.  Ask her 1600 followers.

Does every tattooed girl need to sit outside eating ice cream? Apparently the gay agenda is to make it impossible for me to ride a bike.

It’s confirmed. During sex I sound like a laundry bag filled with chihuahuas being smacked against a MoonBounce.

Writing a list of resentments for Step 5. So far I’ve gone through ten pages, two pens, and an urge to reenact the prom scene from “Carrie.”

What’s awkward? Explaining to the clerk that you want to pay for the pregnancy test separate from the groceries after he’s called you “sir.”

Child wailing its face off in the snack aisle, if you don’t stop the waterworks Dora the Explorer is going to become a forensics detective.

The line between homebody and shut-in is crossed when you name and alphabetize Goldfish crackers out loud while watching public access porn.

Go forth and follow, you won’t regret it.

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